Category Archives: Personal

How I Dance with My Depression

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” Mark Twain

Depression Lies.

I first heard this through Wil Wheaton via his blog, who in turn borrowed it from the Bloggess/Jenny Lawson.

Depression DOES lie, but that is a simplification, Depression also cheats, it exaggerates, it can twist your thoughts and feelings around to serve its own dark ends (as Wheaton succinctly puts it, “Depression is a Dick”).  It can raise doubts in your head on a perfectly normal, even great day which will cause your perception of the world to come crashing down around you.

It can get to anyone.  With the current news cycle that just keeps spinning and spinning it can even get to those that have not been diagnosed with a Manic Depression (like I have) or Bipolar Disorder.

To describe the mania of the “Manic” real quick, for those who might not know.  It is like being in a world, to borrow a Spinal Tap reference that “has been turned up to eleven” everything is brighter, louder, your ambition and confidence lights up (on the positive upswings) and the negativity and doubts blacken your perspectives (on the downswings).  It’s my understanding that those diagnosed with bi-polar get the mania amplified yet again, pushing the depression and the mania to more extreme territories.

Something that I have been asked a lot lately from people I am just getting to know, or friendships I am rekindling after being away in my own self-imposed hermitage for several years.  How do you fight depression?  What makes it better?  If you are down and depressed, or with a down and depressed person, what steps can you take to improve things?

Fighting is not the point, the Depression and the Mania are ingrained within your personality.  The notion of fighting it is nigh impossible, on good days we co-exist.  On the best days, the trinity of mania-depression-personality become dance partners, one motion and action supporting and bouncing off another in a neutral to positive manner. Continue reading How I Dance with My Depression

Dream Journal: Feburary 29 2016

Cat and I are in the market for some new stereo equipment.

We see a piece we like advertised in the paper, sold at the local Fred Meyer department store. We decide to go in and have a look.

Looking at the machine up close, it is much less impressive. The stereo feature a cross fade control (to allow for mixing your own DJ gigs) and a knob for manual control of disco ball lighting, however, it is only carried in beige plastic and features an odd pair of dual bass speakers that resemble plastic bongo drums. I lift up the console top and all manner of loose wires and components that do not appear to be attached to anything spill out of the machine like so much spaghetti. Continue reading Dream Journal: Feburary 29 2016

A writer needs to write…

A writer needs to write.

I feel driven to create, characters, stories, dramatic scenarios, song lyrics, poems, stage plays, musicals… I have dusty notebooks and file cabinets full of work. Some finished, some rough. It occurs to me that this work can just sit there, or it can go out into the world and maybe, just maybe, inspire or move someone. Maybe.

A writer has got to write. Sure.

But a writer also needs to be read.

Thus begins an experiment. As I post these missives – will you read them?