Jaime and Adam are retiring Mythbusters.Embed from Getty Images
Mythbusters left to right, Tory Belleci, Grant Imahara, Kari Byron, Adam Savage, Jamie Hyneman
I have received an invitation from Tory Belleci to the Mythbusters gift shop/museum building.
I head inside a very nondescript square building of concrete and smoked glass. The lighting is dim, making the interior feel very cave like. Displays are set up within pools of light, making it hard to see anything except for the displays. I keep stumbling into the cordoned off velvet ropes.
Adam Savage is running around, pointing at things and saying with his trademark enthusiasm “man, that was a cool episode,” and “I remember that. That was wicked!” Meanwhile, Jaime Hyneman is hunkered down at the gift shop counter, which is also captured in a pool of light.
I walk toward the gift shop counter, continuing to trip over the velvet ropes in the darkness as I go. I think I can see Tory in the shadows behind Jaime, and I want to thank him for the personal invitation. As I arrive at the counter, Jaime picks up a DVD case of “Jurassic Park 4” (not “Jurassic World”, mind you, the case clearly reads “Jurassic Park 4”) while saying “this is one we worked on,” he signs the cover “now it’ll be worth forty dollars.”
“Forty Dollars at least,” says Adam, startling me as he has snuck up directly behind me.
Adam hands the DVD case over to Tory. Tory and I share an awkward male bonding “I see you and acknowledge you” head nod, and the subtext is that Tory has no idea who I am. Being thrown off at the awkwardness, I quickly turn and make my way to the front doors of the building. The doors are easy to spot, as they are glass and let in the only source of natural light.
Once outside, I head across the street. There is a pharmacy/gift shop with a help wanted sign in the window. As I am still looking work, I head inside to inquire about the position.
A cashier points me to the store matron. She is a very tall (at least seven feet), stern looking, older woman in a thick wool purple full-length dress that is sleeved, turtle-necked and covered in protruding ball shaped buttons. The buttons vary in size between the size of a superball and the size of a marble and are all covered in the same purple knit fabric that composes the dress.
I ask her about the position and she looks me up and down.
“Have you been bonded?”
I say yes.
The matron wants to set me up with some test tasks, and she will consider hiring me if things go well.
The first task is to re-arrange the furniture in the pharmacy waiting area in a more pleasing way. This proves to be not difficult as when I arrive the chairs and coffee table are all stacked one on top of another. The chairs are very heavy, but I manage.
The second task is helping customers and ringing them out. The store matron hovers nearby. I get the feeling she is monitoring the smiles on the patrons as they leave. If there is a smile, whether it is a pursed lips smile or a toothy smile. If it is a toothy smile, how many teeth are visible?
After working the register for a while, another person comes in asking about the “help wanted” sign. He looks very similar to me. The Matron dismisses me with a wave and I hear a half-hearted “I will get back to you.”
I walk out and go home to the apartment where I am living with several friends. There is a major cleaning initiative going on, and there are several pieces of furniture outside under the eaves of the garage, a couch, bookcases with movies and books, a rug.
Caleb, one of my housemates, is clearly stressed out and in the process of moving more furniture outside. I help him move a large pink dresser and then stop him from running back inside to get more stuff.
“Hey man,” I say “you are obviously stressed, let’s take a break, order in a pizza and pop in a movie, your choice.”
Caleb gives an uncertain “okay” and his body posture relaxes a little. He goes to the DVD and video shelf under the garage eaves outside and starts going through the titles and I head inside to try and find the phone. Before I can place the pizza order Caleb is standing before me with a well-worn VHS copy of “Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas.”
“No.” I say flatly. “I will watch anything but that.”
Caleb is very upset by this. He tosses the tape in the general direction of the VHS storage and heads back outside, slamming the front door behind him. I hear him cursing under his breath and watch as he flips me off from the big picture window overlooking the front yard. It is raining outside.
I see with perfect clarity as he chooses a DVD of “The Power Rangers Movie” and feel a great sadness. I am doomed. I should have let him stick with Emmet Otter.
I turn on the television. There is a news story about Stanley Kubrick, and how he managed to keep a couple together through some carefully planned post-mortem letters. I can see they are typewritten, but cannot make out any of the content as they are displayed too briefly onscreen before going back to the reporter’s earnest, yet attractive, talking head.
“Power Rangers!” says Caleb, grinning ear to ear and waving the case in front of my face.
I wake up.
[Obviously, my job search efforts are on my mind, as is the end of the Mythbusters current iteration. In the waking world, I don’t have a problem with Emmet Otter (in theory, as I am not sure I have seen that one) but would happily watch any grade of a Henson production before Power Rangers.]