I am Ryan Reynolds, or rather in this dream, the character of me is played by Ryan Reynolds, as Ryan Reynolds.
There is a kid toy that I find fascinating. It is a plastic tower made of green plastic, 4 feet on each side and 12 feet tall. It includes windows and a little set of tiny plastic stairs inside that go from the floor to the tower top. One of the tower walls can be removed while leaving the tower structure stability intact. Weird cartoon faces line the interior in a style similar to the greek theatre drama masks – if drawn by John Kricfalusi (Ren and Stimpy).
There is a liquid green pool on the floor of the tower that I feel compelled to drink. It is quite sweet. Juicy juice? Kool-Aid?
I carry this tower around with me in the beginning of the dream. In the city, just walking down the sidewalk, tower toy over my shoulder.
I enter an apartment building.and find myself in a dressing room corridor; a long hallway lined with fabric curtain covered doorways. Walking down the hall, my eyes are drawn into the rooms where the curtains are not quite closed, and I see several people naked or in various stages of undress that I do not want to see.
I place the plastic tower toy in one of the empty dressing rooms. This feels like the right thing to do.
I go back out into the corridor.
I watch a rather rotund gentleman enter one of the dressing rooms. A minute later he emerges wearing nothing but an ornately patterned vest. He parades up and down the dressing room corridor, examining himself in the mirrors as he passes them. He does not seem to notice me.
Try as I might, I can not look away.
The gentleman heads back into his dressing room, draws his curtain, and that is when Burt Reynolds appears.
This is Smokey and The Bandit, circa 1977 Burt Reynolds. He reveals in a nonchaant, neither here nor there way, that he is my father.
Burt and I head outside and climb into his Trans Am Firebird and do several squealing cookies to great effect before we peel out in the parking lot.
Burt Reynolds and I, Ryan Reynolds – together we star in a television show with lots of car crashes, explosions, and debris flying through the air in balletic slow motion. I provide voice over narration as promo clips play. “Together we are hit-men. We work to take out high-level Mafiosos in the big city.”
(The “big city” resembles a mix between Miami and San Francisco.)
We get word that our new target is at the movies, watching what is more or less the Italian movie equivalent of Downtown Abby. We come across his bodyguard in the lobby of a multiplex movie theater, sitting in front of the theater doors. The bodyguard is played by the actor Mark Strong.
The body guard’s shtick is big bulky knives that have been carved from church bells. Every time he knocks them together they make a loud, reverberating church bell “BONNGGGG” noise, which on its own is not subtle, combined with the fact that the “BONNGGGG” letters appear in the air with the accompanying sound (think old school Batman television show or Scott Pilgrim) – I wonder to myself what to send my agent as a thank you for this gig.
The fight scene commences, but the bodyguard is as inept with these ridiculous church bell blades as I am with my guns. Every blow is a wide miss on both our parts. Meanwhile, Burt Reynolds stands around in the background and offers up jokes and commentary.
I wake up, feeling the best I have felt in days. Perhaps I am finally getting over the influenza B?
RyanReynolds photo from popsugar.com.au
Mark Strong photo from Mark Strong Official website
Burt Reynolds screengrab from Smokey and the Bandit